Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
