YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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