i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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