Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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