im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
