What did we do last night that was yellow?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
