Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
