If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
