So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This is classic penis vs brain.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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