life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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