It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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