I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
