The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
