Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
