he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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