just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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