I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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