i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize