I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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