Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
