I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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