She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
