Soap is not a condiment
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
