In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
