Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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