i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
