He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
