I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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