Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
