I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
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do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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