it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
