It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
