They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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