Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
