Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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