I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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