the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
