I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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