filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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