turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
