never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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