I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
