Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
