Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
