just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
