Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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