Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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