Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Drunk is not a location!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
