I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
