the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
