Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
