Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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