I am spending my child support on dildos
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
