Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
