I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
