i love accidental penises.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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