Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
