I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
