Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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