make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
