ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
