Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
