You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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