Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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