Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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