You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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