Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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