we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
