The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
