Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
