My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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