honey bunches of taint.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
