Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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