I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
