He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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