her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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